And to think, I almost didn’t go...

I didn't want to go.

Not because I didn't want to see my mom—I really did—but because of all the competing priorities vying for attention in my brain.

The timing felt impossible. I have so much going on at work, and I’ve already traveled so much this year. The idea of yet another cross-country trip just felt like too much. I've barely started catching up, and now I was going to lose several more days to travel and chaos and jet lag.

But after working through all that internal resistance, I booked the trip anyway.

And I am SO glad I did.

Because moments like that—you don’t get them back.

My sister had the impromptu idea to do a mini photoshoot. She even brought in a makeup artist to get us all glammed up. The pictures turned out beautiful and so special, and honestly I think it made all of us feel a little radiant.

But even more than that, it gave us the chance to just be together, in this season where being together actually feels easy.

And that hasn't always been the case.

The truth is that my relationship with my mom has been complicated. For most of my life, she struggled with mental illness. It was hard. Unstable. Painful.

For years, we were semi-estranged—it was hard to know how to navigate her chaos, or even how to reach her when she’d disappear, sometimes for months at a time. I don't talk about it often, because it doesn't feel like my story to tell. But it shaped me deeply.

And I carried a lot of hurt and bitterness for a very long time.

I used to ache for the mom I wished I had—someone stable and nurturing, who could be there for me in the ways I needed.

But then about ten years ago, something shifted. My mom had a health crisis, and honestly, at the time, it felt like a breaking point.

What I didn't know then was that it would actually be the turning point.

That crisis allowed my siblings and I to finally get her the care she needed. And now, with round-the-clock caregivers and a stable living situation, my mom has been healthier and more emotionally present than I ever thought possible.

And what's emerged in this past decade is a gift.

A version of my mom that feels like who she was always meant to be, beneath the struggle.

She's gentle. Sweet. Endlessly supportive and encouraging. She lights up when I walk into the room. She's content with whatever time she gets with any of her children, and she doesn't ask for more than that.

And every time I get to sit with her or lie beside her and just talk—no expectations, no heaviness—what I feel more than anything is love.

Pure, uncomplicated love. The love she’s always had but wasn’t always able to express.

And here's the thing that hits me the hardest:

I'm no longer bitter.

I'm just grateful.

Because I see now that it wasn't her fault. The chaos, the instability, the absence—it wasn't who she was. It was what she was going through.

And somehow, by the grace of God, we got the chance to have the relationship I always longed for.

There's a quote I love from Maya Angelou: "Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you knew it." And Morgan Harper Nichols reminds us, "You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously."

In other words? We don't get unlimited time. We just get now.

I'm not sure how long we'll have this version of my mom.

None of us knows how much time we get with the people we love.

But this week, I was reminded—again—that the time we do have is what matters most.

And sometimes, the most sincere form of love is simply choosing to show up.

I almost didn't go.

But I did.

And it was worth everything.

So here's my challenge for you this week:

Don't let the chaos of your life keep you from showing up for the people you love. Even when it's messy. Even when it's inconvenient. Even when the timing feels impossible.

Grace tends to meet us on the other side of resistance.

Live with purpose, friend, and have an amazing week!

xoxo, Ruth

P.S. I recorded a podcast about all the resistance I had leading up to this trip—if that's something you're struggling with too, you might find it helpful. You can listen to it HERE.

This week’s podcast episodes…

What’s cooking in my kitchen…

The latest from my Instagram…

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