For when it all feels hopeless

Fair warning—this is a hard one.

This past weekend marked the 24th anniversary of the first time I tried to kill myself.

I don’t know why that date is so ingrained in my mind, but it is. And every year, it always brings me right back to that point in my life where all I could see was darkness and despair.

It’s the day I lived, when all I wanted was to end it all.

It was the beginning of a 3 year battle with depression that very nearly killed me.

It was the first of several suicide attempts, the worst of which landed me in a coma, on life support. My heart stopped in the ambulance and the doctors told my family to prepare for the worst. They said there was less than a 10% chance that I would ever wake up.

It’s a miracle I am still here.

But it’s not an accident.

Because God had a different plan for me.

At 21 years old, I thought my life was over.

I had no hope.

I didn’t believe things would ever get better, or that I’d ever feel happy again.

I couldn’t imagine a life different than how it felt right then.

I couldn’t imagine all the good things still waiting for me.

That I’d get to marry the love of my life. That I’d get to be a mom. That I’d start a business or write books or give a TED talk. That someday my own journey to lose weight and get healthy would inspire thousands of other women to do the same.

I really couldn’t see a way out or a path forward.

And THAT is why I share my story.

Because I know what it’s like to feel hopeless.

And in all those years I spent in and out of the hospital, I never actually saw anyone get better.

Depression felt like a death sentence.

But I’m here to tell you that it’s not. I’m living proof of that.

And I also know now that no matter how dark things might seem, there is always hope. There is always redemption. There is always something worth fighting for.

And if you’re in that dark place right now, here’s what I can tell you:

Hold on.

Keep going.

I promise the light is there, even if you can’t see it right now.

There are beautiful things in your future that you can’t even imagine right now.

So let me hold the hope for you.

Thanks for hearing my heart.

xoxo, Ruth

P.S. I had several people reach out on IG this week to ask how I got better—I’ll share my thoughts on that in a future email!

This week’s podcast episode…

What’s cooking in my kitchen…

Here’s the recipe I shared this past week:

The latest from my Instagram…

One of my goals this year is to be more consistent on social media, so I’ve committed to sharing at least one post a day on Instagram. If you’re there, I’d love to connect with you—find me at @RuthSoukup

What’s Happening Around RSO…