For when you’re stuck in a doom loop....

Ever have one of those weeks where it just feels like everything is just 💩?

Yep, me too. 

I started the year so strong. I had a plan for my business. A plan for my health. My mama mentoring plan all figured out for my kids. I've been planning my weeks, planning my days, showing up, and doing the work.

And yet, at some point this weekend, after what felt like one setback after another all week long, I hit the wall and started spiraling into a full-on doom loop of discouragement and self pity.

Everything felt like a disaster. I felt like a disaster. 

Like I'm pouring out all this energy, all this effort, and nothing's moving the way I want it to. Nothing's happening fast enough. Nothing feels like it's actually working.

Which soon turned into, "What am I even doing with my life?"

It wasn’t pretty.

Thankfully my husband Chuck always seems to know the right thing to say when I’m stuck in a doom loop. He doesn't try to fix it. He just shows up, listens, validates how I feel, and then gently helps me shift my perspective.

"You're not wrong to feel that way," he said. "But honey, maybe it's not all a disaster. We’ve got a lot of good things going for us too. And besides, we’re not the only ones struggling right now. Everyone we know seems to be struggling in some way.”

He’s not wrong.

Some of our friends are walking through serious health issues. Others are grieving the loss of a parent and dealing with estate chaos. Others are fighting for their marriages, or drowning in job stress, or regretting a big life change and feeling completely isolated. And still others are dealing with their adult kids moving back home and completely disrupting their lives.

Almost everyone we know is just trying to survive right now.

But when you’re in the midst of the mess, it’s really easy to feel like you’re all alone.

Even though the truth is that we all feel like we're barely keeping it together sometimes. We don't talk about it because it feels too vulnerable, or too heavy, or like everyone else must have their act together better than we do. But they don't. They're just surviving too.

And maybe that's exactly why we all need to be more intentional about protecting our joy.

Because it was right in the middle of all this heaviness that Chuck said something that completely shifted my perspective. We were talking about our dogs, and out of nowhere he said, "The dogs are definitely on my top ten list of things that bring me joy."

In 20 years of marriage, he’s never once mentioned a joy list, so I couldn’t help but ask, "Oh yeah? What else is on your list?"

And as he started naming off the small, ordinary things that bring him happiness, something clicked. 

I realized I don't have a joy list. At least not one that's written down. 

And maybe that's the problem.

Because when life feels like it's all grind and no reward, when it feels like you're hustling your heart out and nothing is changing fast enough, you need to remember what still feels good.

So I made myself a list. 

And honestly, just writing it down reminded me that everything isn't actually falling apart.

Things That Bring Me Joy

• Walking outside with my dogs as the sun comes up over the misty field, especially when it's cold and the Spanish moss on the trees  is glowing in the early light. 

• My morning coffee time with Chuck—an hour blocked just for connection and conversation (why did it take me 20 years to put that on my schedule?). 

• Re-reading Harry Potter while listening to the audiobooks for at least the thousandth time. I never get sick of them.

• Baking homemade sourdough and that magical first slice when the crumb is just right–light and airy and perfect.

• Finding a new television series to obsess over together, then cuddling up to watch in front of a fire in our screen porch on a cold night 

• Cooking a really great dinner for my family while listening to Norah Jones and sipping a glass of my favorite wine. 

• Hosting dinner parties or game nights with friends. 

• Talking or texting with my sister, because no one gets me like she does. 

• Picking out the perfect surprise gift for someone I love. 

• Coaching or teaching live, especially when I get to help someone unlock something big.

• Playing endless rounds of Boggle with my kids because no one can stand to lose.

None of these things are particularly “special” or uncommon. Some I do every single day.

But actually naming them reminded me that even if parts of my life feel challenging or slow or stuck right now, it doesn't mean I'm failing.

Not everything is 💩.

Brené Brown noted that, "Joy comes to us in moments—ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary." Along those same lines, Viktor Frankl wrote, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances."

In other words? We don't get to control how fast things happen or whether everything goes according to plan. But we do get to choose what we pay attention to. 

We get to choose whether we notice the good stuff that's already here, or whether we stay stuck in the spiral of everything that's not working yet.

So here's my challenge for you this week: Make your joy list. Ten things. Big or small. Silly or sacred. And then pick one and do it—on purpose. Even if it feels too small to matter. Because it's not. It's how we start climbing out.

Live with purpose, friend, and have an amazing week.

xoxo, Ruth

P.S. What's one thing on your joy list? Hit reply and tell me—I'd love to hear it. Maybe we can inspire each other.

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