Say hello to midlife…

My husband and I flew to Indiana for a wedding this past weekend.

And it was absolutely lovely, in every way.

It was also the first of many, many weddings we’ll be attending this coming year.

Our fridge is literally plastered with save-the-dates and invitations, even though I can count on one hand the number of weddings we’ve attended over the past 20 years.

Suddenly it’s wedding season.

And I guess that means we’ve officially reached a milestone—we’ve entered the season of life where all the kids of your friends and siblings start getting married.

It looks very different from the last wedding season we were in, the one where all our own friends got married.

That season was a crazy booze-filled haze of wild pre-wedding parties and post-wedding hangovers, of dancing all night long and 20-something drama over having to cough up money for yet another bridesmaid dress.

Now we get the courtesy friend-of-the-parent invites. 

Our job is to sit in the back, bring a nice gift, and enjoy a wonderful evening celebrating young love with a nice dinner and free-flowing champagne.

And that’s not a complaint! It’s actually the BEST! 

But I did realize I’m definitely now a different generation at this wedding when not only did I not recognize any of the songs the DJ was playing, I was completely baffled by the “new style” of dancing taking place on the dance floor.  

What’s with all the jumping up and down?

Am I really that old?

Because I don’t feel old.

It’s interesting, isn’t it, finding ourselves in this midlife phase of life?

It’s like finally realizing you’re truly an adult.

And now your job is to impart a little wisdom on the next generation.

Even if you feel like you’re still just trying to find your way.

Because the truth is that it’s really easy to lose your sense of self in this phase of life.

Your kids are all grown up, or well on their way.

Your relationships look different.

Your career path looks different.

And suddenly you find yourself wondering who you even are anymore.

I talk to women every single day who struggle with figuring out their next phase of life, and I get it, because I’ve struggled with it too. 

And maybe that’s where you’re at right now too.

Maybe you feel like you’ve spent your whole adult life focused on raising their family or on pursuing your career, but you’re suddenly realizing it’s time to focus on something new, and yet you don’t really know what that new thing should be.

Maybe you feel like you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and you want to get it back.

Maybe you just want to want something, but you don’t even know where to start.

If so, there’s always three big things I recommend:

1. Journal like crazy! Get yourself a cute notebook and ask yourself the same two questions every single day for the next month–”what do I want” and “what will it take to get there.” The reason you need to do it daily for a whole month is because these are not easy questions. It will take time and repetition and many tries before you really start to get to the heart of it. But keep asking.

2. Try some new things. Take a class. Volunteer. Learn a new skill. Put yourself out there. Do it intentionally, but do it without any expectations or even any pressure to be good at it. Your goal is simply to see what piques your interest. Sometimes just freeing yourself from the expectation that whatever you try has to be “the thing” can make the process more enjoyable.

3. Get connected. Reconnect with old friends or find some new ones who are in the same stage of life. Many women need to process by talking to other women, and it’s often amazing the amount of insight you can get. Maybe it’s time to plan a girls night!

The thing NOT to do is nothing. Don’t push down the feelings, or try to ignore them. Be okay with the unknown right now, but also give yourself space to explore.

Mary Shelley once wrote, “the beginning is always today.” Along those same lines, Andy Warhol once said, “they say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”

In other words? It’s up to you to choose your next phase. No one can do it for you.

And so, my challenge for you this week, if you’ve been struggling with this very thing, is to go get yourself a journal and start asking yourself those two big questions—what do I want, and what will it take to get there. Journal on it daily for at least a month. And then let me know what you discover.

Live with purpose, friend, and have a great week!

xoxo, Ruth

This week’s podcast episode…

What’s cooking in my kitchen…

Here’s the recipe I shared this past week:

The latest from my Instagram…

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