Happy New Year, friend!

Today was my first day back to work after taking off for the holidays, and I’ll be honest—there’s a big part of me that wasn’t quite ready to get back into the swing of all things work-related.

Truthfully, there’s nothing I love more than just being at home, in full-fledged mom mode.

And yes, I do realize that I work from home, so technically I’m home most of the time, but for me, there’s a big difference between “work” mode and “home” mode. Maybe it’s the same for you.

When I’m in work mode, all the little things around the house tend to slip. The counters fill up with clutter. My clothes pile up on the floor. Working out or making dinner or keeping up on whatever else needs to be done is always a frazzled rush. And while I might be killing it at work, I often feel like I’m just barely holding it all together.

But when I’m in home mode, I feel like Supermom. 

The laundry’s all done. The house is spotless. The cabinets and closets are all organized. The fridge is full of healthy meals. I take my time working out. I’m practically Martha Stewart (without the felony conviction of course!).

I love home mode. And yet, in the 15 years of running my business, I don’t think I’ve once been able to successfully achieve both modes at the same time.

I don’t know that it’s actually possible.

In fact, the older I get, the more I’ve come to accept that balance doesn’t always mean dividing my time equally between worthy endeavors, but instead learning how to focus all my attention on the top priority at any given time.

Years ago, I read an excerpt from an interview with Jennifer Garner, where in reference to her ex-husband, Ben Affleck, she said “When his sun shines on you, you feel it. But when the sun is shining elsewhere, it’s cold. He can cast quite a shadow.”

And while she was speaking specifically about her marriage, it was a quote that stuck with me, because I realized that this is exactly how I feel most of the time. Maybe it’s just the nature of life. 

When your sun is shining in one area, there will be a shadow somewhere else. 

Shonda Rhimes spoke to this phenomenon as well. In response to the question, ‘how do you do it all,’ she said:

“The answer is this: I don’t.

Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life. If I am killing it [at] work, I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes, I’m probably blowing off [work] I was supposed to turn in…If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the tradeoff...

You never feel a hundred percent OK; you never get your sea legs; you are always a little nauseous. Something is always lost. Something is always missing.”

I spent a lot of years feeling guilty for not being able to successfully juggle everything all at once. 

It felt like no matter how well I was doing in one area of my life, there was something else that was falling behind, some other ball that was being dropped. It was so frustrating!

Because I think as women we have this idea that we are supposed to be able to do it all, that we should have it all together all the time, and that if we aren’t somehow managing to do all the things we want to be doing or think we should be doing at any given time, then we are failing. 

But we’re not.

Because the truth is that no one can do it all, and the ones who say they can are lying. There is always a shadow somewhere. There is always a ball that will be dropped. 

If you’re busy working to put food on the table, chances are there is a pile of laundry in the corner that never quite goes away. If you’re busy trying to shuttle three kids between four different sports, then chances are an organic, made-from-scratch meal is simply not going to happen. If you’re focused on trying to lose weight and get healthy, then maybe you haven’t had much time to keep up with your friends. 

But now I’ve realized that sometimes balance is just remembering where the balls landed so that you can pick them up again later.

There is no point in life where everything is perfect. There is no magic moment where every box in every category will be checked off.

At least not for me.

But what that really means is this: You have to choose.

In any given moment, at any given time, you have to choose what matters most.

And this is the perfect time of year to spend a little time thinking about that very question. We’re at the start of a brand new year. You have just been handed a blank slate, and the possibilities are infinite. You can do anything you want this year. But you can’t do everything.

So what do you really want?

My challenge for you this week is to ask yourself that very question. What do you want for yourself and your life this year? Where will your sun shine? And what does that mean for your shadow? Then give yourself permission to stop feeling guilty about the things you’re not doing, and instead make sure you’re focused on those things that are most important to you right now. If you are going to cast a shadow—and you are—make sure that shadow is where you want it to be. 

Live with purpose friend, and have a joy-filled week!

xoxo, Ruth

P.S. If you want to hear more about my own personal goals and priorities this year, be sure to listen to this week’s podcast episode!

This week’s podcast episode…

What’s cooking in my kitchen…

Here’s the recipe I shared last week:

The latest from my Instagram…

Instagram is my jam! If you’re there too, I’d love to connect with you—find me at @RuthSoukup or @ruthsoukupbiz for online business tips!

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