When your teenagers call you out (and you deserve it)

My oldest daughter Maggie came home from college this weekend for Thanksgiving break, which apparently automatically means everyone else is on Thanksgiving break too.

On Saturday, I made a big breakfast for everyone, then my husband Chuck and the girls spent hours obsessively playing Boggle while I bustled around the house doing my “mom” stuff—tidying the house and kitchen, planning my Thanksgiving menu and grocery list, and doing all those little housey things I never seem to have time to get to during the workweek.

My husband always says that Homemaker Ruth is his favorite Ruth.

At about 2pm, I announced that I was headed to Coconut Point to return some pillows I had bought from West Elm, and to return some lightbulbs to Target.

“I’ll go with you!” Maggie immediately volunteered.

“Me too!” Annie chimed in.

“I’m not shopping, I just have to make some returns.”

“We don’t care, we still want to go.”

Believe me, dear friend, when I tell you that this was not altruism on their part. They know I’m a sucker with a credit card the moment we walk in those stores, unable to resist their shameless sweet talk.

Their favorite Ruth is Power Shopping Ruth.

Annie, who now has her Learner’s Permit, needed to practice driving on the freeway, so I sat with her in the front seat and Maggie took the backseat next to the bag of returns.

“What is this stuff you’re returning?” she asked, proceeding to pull all the pillows out of the bag.

“Well, two pillows I didn’t like, and the other one Chippy ruined.”

“You’re going to return a pillow that your dog destroyed?!! MOM! You can’t do that! What are you going to say?!”

“I was just going to say that it fell apart and see if I could exchange it for the exact same one”

“But Mom, that’s LYING. You can’t lie.”

“Well technically it’s not a lie. It did fall apart. After Chip chewed on it.”

Then it was Annie’s time to chime in. “A lie of omission is still a lie.”

“Yeah Mom, GOD still knows you’re lying.”

Yep, they sure did. They played the God card on me. Point. Set. Match.

“Okay, okay, you guys are right. I shouldn’t lie. But what if I’m just honest and tell them my dog chewed on it and the string broke, and see if they’ll exchange it anyway? Is that okay?”

Maggie nodded. “Yeah, that’s okay, but you have to be NICE, Mom. You can’t go in there and be all scary and have an attitude.”

“Am I really that scary?”

“YES!”

“Well I don’t mean to be. Maybe you should do it.”

“Okay I will. I’m WAY nicer than you.”

(I couldn’t help but laugh at this last sentence, given that Maggie’s single most defining teenage characteristic from the age of 14 to 17 was that she was just MEAN. But okay.)

For the record, niceness and honesty didn’t work. West Elm would not exchange my pillow.

But I did get a valuable lesson out of the whole experience. 

Integrity matters. 

I’m embarrassed now that I thought about returning that pillow, and that I had somehow convinced myself it was no big deal. After all, I’ve worked in retail. I know what kind of crazy things people get away with returning. I knew the store employees probably wouldn’t question it, especially because it was just an even exchange.

But just because you can get away with something, doesn’t make it right.

Apparently I needed that reminder.

And so I’m incredibly grateful to my kids for calling me out.

I’m grateful that they, without any hesitation, instantly knew the difference between right and wrong, and that they were willing to speak up.

In the end, that was worth way more to me than a $40 pillow.

Tony Dungy once said, “integrity is the choice between what is convenient and what is right.” Along those same lines, C.S. Lewis noted that “integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.”

In other words? Nothing’s worth more than your integrity.

And so my challenge to you this week is more of a reminder, maybe more to myself than anyone else: live with integrity. Have the courage to make the right choice, even when no one else is watching, and even when you get no credit for it.

Because no one can take that away.

Live with purpose, friend, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

xoxo, Ruth

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