When the mom sets the tone

This past weekend, I started hauling all the Christmas decorations out of our garage.

I never used to decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving, but last year—our first year in the new house—I felt like I needed a little more time to figure out where everything was going to go, so I started early.

And I realized that I actually loved having a little more time to pull it all together, loved not having to rush through it all, or feel stressed that it wasn’t done yet.

So, despite the fact that it was literally 90 degrees in Southwest Florida this past weekend, my husband Chuck and I made multiple trips across the property, carrying bins and boxes, stopping every few rounds to stand in front of the air conditioning because we were dripping sweat.

Not gonna lie—it felt a little absurd. Like, what are we doing absurd.

Especially as I pulled out all the faux fur blankets and plaid pillows to transform our screened-in “Florida Room” into a cozy National Park lodge vibe, complete with a snowy garland to top off the mantel on the stone fireplace that serves as the centerpiece of the room.

It looked beautiful, but when I finished I looked at all those blankets and pillows piled up on the couch and thought, “Am I being totally ridiculous right now?”

And then yesterday, a cold front came through, and overnight the temperature dropped dramatically.

So we lit our first fire of the season. Invited some friends over to watch Monday Night Football. And the whole space became exactly what I'd been picturing—warm, super cozy, and full of people we love.

Because sometimes you have to create the vibe before you feel it.

It’s a lesson my big sister taught me years ago, right after my first daughter was born.

At the time, Chuck and I were living in a tiny furnished apartment in West Palm Beach while he worked as a contract engineer designing helicopters for Sikorsky.

We didn’t know how long we’d be there, so it was hard to feel settled. Chuck would work long hours, and I’d try to figure out how to pass the time by myself with a colicky newborn and not much else to do. I was bored and lonely and getting more depressed by the day.

And somehow my sister intuitively knew that I needed her, so she left her three young kids behind and flew across the country to help me.

She got me to join a gym. She convinced me to shop for cute clothes that would fit my postpartum body right now, even if I wouldn’t wear them forever. She helped me find the best beach within walking distance, and she shared all her mom tricks for soothing a crying baby.

But the best thing she gave me was a piece of advice I’ve never forgotten, even if I haven’t always lived it:

The mom sets the tone.

At the time, I didn't fully get it. But now, almost 20 years later? I think I finally do.

Because I've lived enough years as the mom to know that my energy doesn't just affect me—it shapes everything.

If I'm resentful and stressed and snapping at everyone? That's the vibe in the house.

But if I show up calm and intentional—even when things are chaotic—everything shifts.

And so right now, that’s the thought I am actively working to practice every single day.

Because November means it's officially holiday season, which in practice actually means that everything extra falls on me.

Because I’m the mom.

Choosing our Christmas cards. Buying presents. Planning Thanksgiving dinner and our big annual Christmas Eve brunch. Putting up the decorations.

All of it. It’s my job to create the magic.

And the thing is, I actually love doing all that stuff. At least most of the time.

But I'm also in full-on Finish Strong mode with work right now—launching my new Daily Sales Incubator program, planning our big December Ignite Your Best Year Yet event, and keeping all the momentum going.

So my plate is full. Really full.

Which is exactly why I've been reminding myself—every single day—of that simple truth my sister wisely shared with me twenty years ago.

Because it's not always easy to choose that.

But I also know what the alternative feels like. In fact, I wrote about it just a few weeks ago.

Feeling overwhelmed when it all depends on you, and resentful when no one seems to notice.

And that’s not how I want to feel. So I’m choosing something different.

My friend Rachel once told me that, “you can choose to feel stressed, or you can choose to feel blessed—but you can’t feel both.” Along those same lines, T. Harv Eker noted that “Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.”

In other words? The emotional climate of your home is rarely neutral. You’re either pouring calm into the chaos, or unintentionally amplifying the stress.

So if you want it to feel warm, connected, and joyful—you have to decide that first.

Not because the load is lighter. Not because anyone's taking things off your plate. But because you want to actually enjoy your life. Because you want the holidays to feel good, not just look good.

And that means you have to set the tone—before you feel it.

So for me, that means decorating early, even when it’s still 90 degrees outside. Taking it slow. Doing one area at a time instead of trying to finish everything in one stressful weekend.

It also means sitting down with my planner every morning and asking: What does success look like today?

Some days, it's a big work win. Other days, it's baking sourdough for my girls or making sure we actually sit down together for dinner.

But every single day, I'm reminding myself: I get to decide how this feels.

Not because I'm pretending everything is perfect. But because I'm the one who sets the tone for this house. And I want it to feel like home—warm, cozy, full of the people I love.

Even if I have to create that on purpose. Even if I have to choose it before I feel it.

And I guess that’s my challenge for you this week too. Ask yourself: What tone am I setting today—and is it one I actually want to live in?

Then pick one small thing that helps you shift it.

Create the moment you want to be in—before you feel ready for it.

Live with purpose, friend, and have an amazing week.

xoxo, Ruth

P.S. What tone are you choosing this season? Hit reply and tell me. I'd love to hear it.

P.P.S. If you’re the one creating magic for everyone else right now, don’t forget to carve out some time to create magic for yourself too. That’s exactly what we do at Ignite Your Best Year Yet, so if you haven’t grabbed your ticket yet, be sure to get it HERE.

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